that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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