I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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