Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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