Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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