Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
