idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
