I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
