and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
