why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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