He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
