I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
