You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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