smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My cat gives me a boner
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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