she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
