Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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