Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
