i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
