If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
