Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
