Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize