she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
