I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
