in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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