So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
