aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
