Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize