so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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