Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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