I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
