No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
