Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
