tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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