Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
