see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
