i think my tv is drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
