One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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