she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
