In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize