I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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