Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize