...so i touched it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
