My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
