did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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