when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
