I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
