and you said cock pushups were impossible
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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