one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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