i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
