I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
