You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
