i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
