Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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