Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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