it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk is not a location!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
