I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
