Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize