how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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