NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize