It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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