i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
