i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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