I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
