I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
