i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
