Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
