is your mom at the bar?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
