on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
