is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
