Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
