You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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