I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
