when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
