I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
